Therapist Dysmorphia: Seeing Ourselves & Others Through Warped Lenses

Can you see it?

SEE …. what?!?

Therapist Dysmorphia: Seeing Ourselves & Others Through Warped Lenses

This morning, I want to talk about something that I’ve totally made up but is absolutely real—Therapist Dysmorphia. We’re borrowing from body dysmorphia here, but flipping the script to apply it to therapists and the way we perceive ourselves and others. We all have these moments of distorted self-view, and therapists are no exception.

The Blue Dress Dilemma

So, let’s get personal. I set a goal for myself—to lose enough weight to fit back into my blue dress for the Hypnosis New Zealand Conference. Mission accomplished! The dress fit, it wasn’t even tight, and I had dropped about six kilos.

And yet, when I saw the photos, my brain screamed, Nope. You still look huge. Like, what? I know the camera adds like 600 kilos (or at least that’s what I tell myself), but is this dysmorphia, or just unrealistic expectations?

Here’s where it gets weird. I shared photos with a bunch of people, and nearly every woman’s response was some variation of, Ugh, I look terrible! Meanwhile, the men? Silence. Not a single dude said, Oh no, I look bloated.

Why do we do this? Why are we so hyper-focused on our own flaws while ignoring the big picture? And more importantly—how do we stop?

Our Minds Play Tricks on Us

Even beyond photos, I’ve noticed that how I see myself in the mirror is completely different from how I look in photos. I zoom in on all my so-called flaws and compare myself to others. And don’t get me started on those fitness routines I’ve been doing to tighten up the wobble. The photos still didn’t show the progress I felt.

Which leads me to wonder—were we even meant to see ourselves this much? In nature, animals don’t see themselves the way we do. They don’t recognize size the way we obsess over it. My horse once freaked out at its own reflection in a window because it thought it was another horse. Meanwhile, I stare at photos wondering, Is that even me?

The Flip Side: When People Don’t See Themselves Accurately

But dysmorphia isn’t just about feeling bigger than you are. It can go the other way, too. I once had a client who came in for emotional eating, and when she told me her weight, she was 60 kilos off. She had no idea her body had changed so drastically. Her mind simply hadn’t caught up.

I see this a lot in weight loss hypnosis. People fixate on a number on the scale, but that number is meaningless. It’s about how they feel in their bodies. Someone can be 120 kilos and a size 14 of pure muscle. Others can be 75 kilos and feel terrible. The mind has a sneaky way of tricking us.

Money Dysmorphia: The Therapist’s Edition

And it’s not just our bodies. Oh no, dysmorphia extends to money, too. Ever had a therapist say, I really need to grow my practice! only to watch them do absolutely nothing about it?

Or what about that person who swears they’re broke but refuses to do the work to fix it? It’s like the time I was at dinner with someone who had millions in the bank but hesitated over a $5 ice cream. What’s that about?

The Most Controversial Dysmorphia of All: Pet Dysmorphia

Okay, hear me out—some people have ugly, miserable, obnoxious pets, but they insist the creature is the best thing ever. Or worse, they keep an animal in pain just because they can’t bear to let it go. We’ve all seen those horses limping around a paddock while their owners insist, Oh, he’s fine! That’s not love—that’s selfishness.

Relationship Dysmorphia: Seeing a Partner Who Doesn’t Exist

Let’s take it up a notch. Relationship dysmorphia is huge. Ever had a friend cling to a partner who was clearly awful, while they kept insisting, But they’re such a good person deep down!?

Here’s what happens: When we meet someone, we create a perfect version of them in our heads. And then, when the real person doesn’t match up, we get upset. But newsflash—they never changed. You just fell in love with an illusion. And when they leave, you’re not mourning them, you’re mourning the fantasy version you invented.

Therapist Dysmorphia: Seeing the Potential, Not the Reality

And this brings us full circle to therapist dysmorphia. We see our clients, our students, and we see their potential. We get excited for them. We imagine them thriving. And then…they don’t do the work. And we’re left frustrated, thinking, But you could be so amazing! It’s like believing in a future that never materializes.

The Takeaway

At the end of the day, dysmorphia—whether about bodies, money, pets, relationships, or careers—is all about perception versus reality.

The trick is stepping back and asking: Am I seeing things clearly? Because once you can do that, you can stop wasting energy on the fantasy and start working with what’s real.

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• What is Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)?

  Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is a mental health condition where a person becomes excessively preoccupied with perceived flaws in their appearance. These flaws are often minor or even invisible to others, but they cause significant distress and impact daily life.

• How is BDD different from low self-esteem or normal body concerns?

  While many people have insecurities about their appearance, BDD is much more intense. It involves obsessive thoughts, compulsive behaviors (such as excessive mirror-checking or seeking reassurance), and significant emotional distress. Unlike general body dissatisfaction, BDD can interfere with work, relationships, and social activities.

• What causes BDD?

  The exact cause is unknown, but BDD is believed to result from a combination of genetic, neurological, environmental, and psychological factors. A history of bullying, trauma, or societal pressure regarding appearance can contribute to its development.

• What are the common symptoms of BDD?

  Common symptoms include:

  • Obsessively focusing on one or more perceived flaws.

  • Frequent mirror-checking or avoiding mirrors altogether.

  • Comparing oneself to others.

  • Excessive grooming or skin-picking.

  • Seeking reassurance about appearance.

  • Avoiding social situations due to self-consciousness.

• How is BDD treated?

  The most effective treatments for BDD are:

  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps change unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors.

  • Hypnotherapy: To ensure expectations are realistic.

  • Support Groups: Talking to others with similar experiences can provide comfort and guidance.

• Can BDD go away on its own?

  BDD rarely improves without treatment. In many cases, symptoms can worsen over time, leading to severe anxiety, depression, or even suicidal thoughts. Seeking professional help is the best way to manage and overcome BDD.

  How can I support someone with BDD?

  You can help by:

  • Encouraging them to seek professional help.

  • Avoiding reassurance-seeking behaviors (e.g., repeatedly telling them they look fine).

  • Being patient and nonjudgmental.

  • Learning more about BDD to understand their struggles.