Being a Therapist can be Lonely
I want my friend to talk
not the therapist …
The Lonely Side of Being a Therapist (and How to Beat It)
By Trish Pellen (CHA Director) & Justine Lette (HNZ Director)
Becoming a therapist is one of the most rewarding journeys you can take. You learn powerful tools, you get to help people transform their lives, and you see first hand the difference your work makes. But let’s be real - there’s another side to this profession that often doesn’t get talked about enough: loneliness.
Once you learn these skills, you can’t unlearn them. You start to notice things others don’t - changes in tone, body language, or even what’s not being said. It’s a gift, but it can also make everyday interactions tricky. Friends and family sometimes just want you to be you - not the therapist.
When “Just Listening” Is Enough
Many of us (guilty!) have jumped in to problem-solve when someone simply wanted to vent. It comes from a good place - because we know we can help - but it can backfire. Sometimes the most healing thing we can do for someone is simply listen without analyzing, fixing, or reframing. Learning to tell the difference between when someone needs a solution and when they just need a safe space to let it out is a skill in itself. And yes, sometimes your loved ones might even call you out with, “I don’t need a therapist right now - I just need my mum/friend/partner.” Ouch. But fair.
Why Therapists Feel Lonely
Here’s the tough truth: as therapists, our friendship circles often change. Some people don’t want to hang out with someone who might (accidentally) “therapize” them. Others just don’t get the world we now live in - the subtle shifts, the awareness, the sensitivity.
That’s where loneliness creeps in. Even if you’re constantly working with people online, it’s not the same as genuine connection. Therapy work is social, but it’s not friendship.
Finding Your People
The antidote to loneliness is community. That’s why events like conferences, meetups, and group supervision sessions are so important. They take you out of “therapist mode” and put you into “human mode.” They remind you that you’re not the only one who has quiet weeks, difficult clients, or doubts about whether you’re doing enough.
Community is also where the magic happens:
You hear the real stories, not just the shiny success ones on social media.
You connect with like-minded people who just get it.
You create networks that support you, not just professionally but personally too (funny cat videos included).
Sometimes just showing up - camera off, quietly listening - is enough. You never know when one sentence will spark an idea or reignite your fire.
Permission to Play
Another important piece? Play. We spend so much time in serious, helping mode that we forget we’re allowed to be silly. Saturday night at a hypnosis conference, laughing over games or dancing with friends, is just as vital to your wellbeing as any professional training. That’s when we drop the labels - therapist, director, teacher - and just get to be ourselves.
Keep Your Fire Alive
Your brain is constantly mapping to the people and environments around you. Spend too much time isolated, or around those who don’t understand your world, and it can drain your spark. Spend time with peers who inspire you, challenge you, and remind you why you started - and your passion will thrive.
So if you’re a therapist feeling that quiet loneliness creeping in, here’s our advice:
Show up (even if you don’t feel like it).
Find the community that resonates with you.
Remember: not every conversation needs a solution. Sometimes venting is the solution.
And don’t forget to have some fun along the way.
Because yes, being a therapist can be lonely - but it doesn’t have to be.
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Therapists often notice things that others don’t - subtle shifts in tone, body language, or even what isn’t said. This heightened awareness can make everyday conversations tricky, as friends and family may just want you to “be you” rather than slip into therapist mode. Over time, this can create a sense of distance and even loneliness, especially if your social circle changes.
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The key is to listen carefully and look for permission. If someone says, “What do you think I could have done differently?” they’re asking for problem-solving. But if they’re simply unloading frustrations, what they need most is a safe space to vent - no fixing required. Sometimes just listening is the greatest gift.
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Community is essential. Whether it’s through conferences, supervision groups, or casual meetups, connecting with like-minded peers reminds you that you’re not alone. You hear the real stories - not just the shiny highlights on social media- and you get to share laughs, swap ideas, and support each other through the ups and downs of practice.
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Events like hypnosis conferences are designed to take you out of therapist mode and put you into fun mode. Saturday night socials, group activities, or just chatting with peers allow you to drop the professional mask and simply be yourself. That sense of play and connection is vital for refueling your energy and keeping your passion alive.
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First, show up - even if you don’t feel like talking. Being present in community spaces, whether online or in person, can spark new ideas and remind you of your purpose. Second, surround yourself with people who “get it,” because your brain maps to the energy of those around you. And finally, give yourself permission to play - silly conversations and laughter are just as important as professional growth.
Meetups are FREE with Clinical Hypnosis Australia - Read more here
